Nothing I have ever wanted to hear

I spent some time yesterday with a very close friend, someone who is more like my family. She's in pain. Her marriage is not going well and the pain in her voice and on her face is so apparent.

I sat and listened to her, just taking in what she had to say, and it was as if someone was describing my first marriage, but it was all coming out of her mouth. The deception, loneliness, frustration and feeling of utter confusion as to what to do when the person you are married to changes into someone that you don't know, and frankly, don't want to know.

It makes me all the more grateful for Riddick. Last night was very hard on me, I was in a odd place, living my life now, but thinking of my life than. And I hate those times. It leaves me exhausted and with a night of bad dreams.

Sometimes I do wish we could wipe our minds of all the bad memories. Those memories and experiences do make us the people we are now, but the person I am now is not as brave or secure as the person I should be. Praying about that, praying like I mean it.

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Today's list of what is on my mind

1: Will our society survive ourselves 2: Do we even deserve to survive; why are we, as a country, society, still not understanding why hate has no place in our hearts. 3: Protesting doesn't include riots 4. Protesting doesn't include looting/rioting 5: Free persons protest; criminals loot/riot 6: Protesters are not criminals because they protest; two different groups of people; not to be judged as one 7: My mom scolded me harshly for ever using the word "hate" said about a person or group. 8: Many of us are tired; exhausted; tired of anxiety about illness and exhausted by grief. 9: I want to go to the forest 10: I want to go to the ocean 11: I want people to value other people; you don't have to like everyone or agree with them, just accept they are equal. 12: Black Lives Matter.

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Embrace the Bacongal, and what ever I'm itching to say !

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