It just creeps up on me

Last night I started to feel un-easy. I believed it to be because I would be away from home for 4 days.

I work 12 hour shifts, rotating days and nights. This week I am working 3 night shifts. Because of where we live in proximity to where we each work, I don't see Riddick at all when I work these shift. I leave in the evening before he gets home and he leaves in the morning before I get home.

So in order to see him and to save money on commuting, I stay at my in-laws for the week. Mama is awesome, she has given us a room of our own, and made it very very homey for us. So it's not displeasure with my surroundings that is the hangup. I've just become a homebody.

This morning I was reminded that today, the 11th of January is my Dad's birthday. Or it was, well it still is the date he was born, but he died April 5th, 2008.

The day crept up on me. I try very hard not to mark the dates my parents died, and to not let their birthdays draw me down into a pit of sorrow, that's not the type of people they were.

But no matter if I consiously mark the dates, they affect me.

That is the puzzle that is my mind I suppose, something I am learning more about as I age. But at least I understand why it is I feel lost today.

I will let myself feel this way for today, knowing there is a hole in my life that my parents once filled.

Love like you mean it, Every day !

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Today's list of what is on my mind

1: Will our society survive ourselves 2: Do we even deserve to survive; why are we, as a country, society, still not understanding why hate has no place in our hearts. 3: Protesting doesn't include riots 4. Protesting doesn't include looting/rioting 5: Free persons protest; criminals loot/riot 6: Protesters are not criminals because they protest; two different groups of people; not to be judged as one 7: My mom scolded me harshly for ever using the word "hate" said about a person or group. 8: Many of us are tired; exhausted; tired of anxiety about illness and exhausted by grief. 9: I want to go to the forest 10: I want to go to the ocean 11: I want people to value other people; you don't have to like everyone or agree with them, just accept they are equal. 12: Black Lives Matter.

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