I took yesterday off.

Anniversaries of my parents deaths are just too hard for me. I don't try and mark them, they sneak up on me like a painful joint. If I ignore them, than they take me by surprise, like a cough when you are trying not to cough.

Yesterday, the 28th of September was the 22nd anniversary of my mom dying of brain cancer. And I miss her. I think I miss her more this year than last because my life now is happier, calmer, more centered. I have time to think about her, instead of the horrible swirly messy ride I was on for years.

I know something. I know that if my mom had lived I never would have married Tim. I wouldn't have been that 18yr old traumatized that fell under the spell of a 38 yr old man, and I wouldn't have lost myself in the years of abuse. It's not her fault. But I know my life would be different now.

So as I said, I took yesterday off.

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Today's list of what is on my mind

1: Will our society survive ourselves 2: Do we even deserve to survive; why are we, as a country, society, still not understanding why hate has no place in our hearts. 3: Protesting doesn't include riots 4. Protesting doesn't include looting/rioting 5: Free persons protest; criminals loot/riot 6: Protesters are not criminals because they protest; two different groups of people; not to be judged as one 7: My mom scolded me harshly for ever using the word "hate" said about a person or group. 8: Many of us are tired; exhausted; tired of anxiety about illness and exhausted by grief. 9: I want to go to the forest 10: I want to go to the ocean 11: I want people to value other people; you don't have to like everyone or agree with them, just accept they are equal. 12: Black Lives Matter.

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Embrace the Bacongal, and what ever I'm itching to say !

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