Embrace the Bacongal, and what ever I'm itching to say !

As I am preparing for some prescious family and friends to come over for New Years celebrations I put a cream colored table cloth on my table, the table that will have..wait for it, the meatballs and beandip, all things that will stain the table cloth. I realized that this table cloth is probably 15 years old, and I've hardly used it, because I don't want to stain it. So Iv'e decided that's part of my New Years resolution, to use the beautiful things that I have. Many of them were my Mom's, who never used them because they might get stained or might get broken. Ladies, use the things that you love and that mean something to you. Nobody will know how special they are if they just sit on a shelf! The only way for my new family to ever know who my parents were, is through me, my memories, my stores of them and through the items of theirs that are special to me. My Dad's guitar, my Mom's bells, ships and owls. When my Mom died in 1988, a friend bought two sil...

Hey, head over to www.thepioneerwoman.com in the cooking section and enter to win the HP Printer Giveaway. Very cool, open unitl Dec. 31 2010

Ironman is my step-son. I don't use the real names of either of my stids (step kids s too long to type)because in case a mouth breathing crazy ass inbred killer is reading this blog..I don't want their names known. I call him Ironman for a few reasons. First, I liked the movie, more than I thought I would. Also, like the character Ironman, my Ironman is strong and tough but kind and helpful. He's got a huge heart, my Ironman. He's built strong like his dad, and is naturally protective and endlessly patient with his older sister, who although much smaller, picks on him, and he takes it. He takes it not because he's a coward. He's the farthest thing from it, he puts up with it, because she's fun and silly and they have learned how to get along with each other and not hurt one another. My two stids, Ironman and Pinkie have the relationship between the two of them that I wish I would have had with my older brother. Suffice it to say that I love my Ironman. Last ...

Christ is the reason for the season. It's all about the celebrating the birth of my savior. It's not about presents. The only other part of Christmas that is special to me, is about how certain decorations inspire memories in my heart. I have many ornaments from my own childhood. I remember putting them on the tree with my Mom, how carefully she picked them out, and how carefully she decorated. She took forever to put the lights on the tree, it used to drive my brother and I mad, waiting for her to be done. My Mom toll painted. She started after she was ill. So it was very hard for her to keep up with the class, and frankly her classmates weren't very nice about it. I do not know why, but the other women seemed to look down upon her, or maybe they just feared illness. Whatever the reason, it was their loss, not knowing her. This tree was painted by her, it's not finished. It's one of the most special Christmas items I have, second only to the Angel tree to...

Or a man with a bag..never the less, it was over $350, but I did get a good pick of Riddick. He is such a good sport. It's definately fun being married to someone who is very masculine and strong, but secure enough to make fun of himself. I love you Riddick!

These are a few of the pics from Riddick's and my anniversary trip to Prissy's house in Salt Lake. We three spent a day in Park City, looking and eating.

Just a few thoughts in list form that I would like all cashiers to know before I arrive in their line: 1. I use coupons 2. Many times, courtesy of Dave Ramsey, I am paying in cash, that I remove from an envelope. 3. I know that you are busy, I also know you don't make a whole lot of money and may not like your job all the time 4. I'm sorry you feel that way, I am not a rude shopper, just on a budget 5. I am not trying to cheat the store by using coupons. 6. I do watch the process and look at my receipt and do know how much I should be saving, and the the approximate total of my cart. 7. So I will ask questions or correct you if a coupon doesn't get applied. 8. Don't get offended by any of the above, I can't help it, I'm on a BUDGET! 9. Budgets aren't always fun, for me or you 10. I really mean it when I I say "thank you" and "have a good day"

I do , I wonder that when I pray. I don't know if I need more practice or something, which sounds odd since I've been praying my whole life. And not the selfish prayers of "give me what I want" type, but heartfelt prayers asking for guidance in walking my saviors way. But how do I know if I am hearing God, if I ask for a response, how do you know if it's really the will of God that you imagine or just what you want to hear? Too many times throughout life people make decisions because they believe it's the will of God, but often have convinced themselves of it. I know that I convinced myself for years that my husband wasn't cheating when he was, and that he loved me, even when he was cruel. So what's the difference. I asked Riddick this the other night, how to know. He offered this advice..that you can't ask God a question that you already know the answer to. Hmm..that just makes me think even more. More prayer needed I believe.

It's 19 degrees here. Here is the Willamette Valley of Oregon, we know rain, and sometimes snow to the valley floor, but anything below 30 makes the news. Arg, it's cold, you know the wet cold, not dry sunny cold like in Utah, but wet, makes your feet hurt, cold. It's 3 days until our first anniversary, Riddick and I. A true testament to my love for him was this morning, at 5:45 am when I ventured out in the butt cold weather, struggled to unlock is ice cube of a car, and started it for him. BRRRR...really, he's bigger and is extremely talented in turning calories into heat, lots of heat, he's like a bald bear, not that I've hugged or slept with a bear, but I imagine that a bear would be warm like Riddick. Ok, so maybe warm like the tummy of Mrs. Maya, but still he's warm, and I'm cold, all the freaking time. But I did it, I did it out of love, that should get me really big points, somewhere, somtime.

Here's hoping the Natalee Holloway's parents get some answers this week. The Dutch authorities are analyzing a jaw bone found on the beach, attempting to match DNA from Natalee. I hope and pray for her families' sake that this is the remains of their dear daughter. I remember clearly when she disappeared and as much as I would love for Natalee to be alive, I would not want her to have lived the past 5 years in a living hell on earth. God bless them, and us, all of us. PLYMI

Like all good movies I have a part three to my list of inane facts about my own speech and thought patterns. Don't all good movies have sequels, can I get and amen for Beverly Hill Cop III???? Come on, I don't hear it, party poopers! Ok here's even more about my odd yet happy existence, most courtesy of Riddick: "gotta get the poison out" Riddick's statement when it's been more than 48 hours since we last had sex..charming, yet does make me giggle "I got mauled by Tiga" Riddick explaining his newly acquired stretch mark, due he says to my ability to make gravy. "hairy love child" our name for the famous Mrs. Maya "stinky mcgee" Mrs. Maya pre-bath "dusty Mcgee" Mrs. Maya post camping "yeep" Jeep "pregasaurus" grumpy pregnant lady, coined for my best Graybelle, when she was a grumpy pregnant lady, did not go over well

Who is Amanda Knatchbull and what famous person did she receive a marriage proposal from? This is so much fun. I love history. Watching movies or TV with me is peppered with useless trivial points blurted out at any moment they fall off my brain and hit my tongue. My favorite way to watch a movie is with laptop or I-touch in hand, looking at www.imdb.com for details on the movie, actors, trivia, filming locations and all that good stuff. I have no doubt it's probably sometimes a little tiny bit annoying, but Riddick loves me anyway and pretends to be interested in my tidbits. Ahhh the hidden benefits of being loved, someone who tolerates your idiosyncrasies and still wants to have sex with you!

I never have difficulty using "there" or "their" correctly. Always remembering that "their" shows ownership (that's how I think of it) and "they're" is a combined "they" and "are" not showing ownership. But "break" and "brake" and "effect" and "affect", very different story. My writing looks like Jr. high sometimes when I get these all messed up. Mama tells me that now they don't even do sentence diagramming in school. Holy Cow Batman! How do they learn it than, what is correct word usage? I did diagramming and hated it, but did it well and look at me now..still screw it all up!

I don't remember all of my dreams last night. I was very tired, working long hours, and slept hard. But I awoke this morning, before my alarm. I looked at the clock it was 2:52 AM. I woke to my Dad's voice, saying my name. I don't know if he was yelling it, looking for me, or if it was just the deepness of it that I haven't heard in so long. I still don't feel like my Dad is dead. Sometimes it feels like maybe it was all a big mistake. How selfish and sinful is that? I dare to question the timing that is given from above. I don't mean to be selfish or sinful, it's just how I feel. It's a good thing to hear his voice if even only in my dreams

Everyday I try and be the person God intended me to be. And everyday I feel like I am falling short, and failing as a person. Somethings in everyday life irritate me to no end, and I find myself getting upset about things that I should be able to ignore. It's easy for me to say that "I'm tired" or "I work long shifts" but really that doesn't mean I should be any less tolerant. I got annoyed today waiting in line at Walmart and having to listen to an ATM that verbalized every command. Stupid of me to be bothered by that. I should have taken the moment to pray, and put my mind somewhere else. Lord please guide me in my everyday thoughts, help me to be kind and remember that my thoughts influence my words and actions. Amen

Really, 38 years old and still freckles everywhere. I've always hated them. My mom used one on my forehead to part my hair by. In the summer they are darker, after I dive they are darker, I try and even them out with powder but it doesn't always work. And besides I don't really like to wear make-up and Riddick tries to tell me I don't need it. But I think he's just being nice.

So I was at Walmart, looking around, trying to stick with my list, but failing as always. Dave Ramsey should have a "Walmart and Target" envelope, it would help me immensely. I saw this wonderful T-shirt, and knew I had to have it. I know that Riddick would love it. I got it extra big because for $5 at Walmart I knew it would shrink. I looked for one that would fit IronMan, but they only had big sizes. So I showed it to Riddick. And he made it all his own. With his sword from his dad's travels in China and a mask he wears for snowboarding.

Riddick and I met on E-harmony. Old story I know. After a week of emailing via the E-harmony site, with our personal information hidden, we started to email directly. He noticed my email was Divechica. Dive Girl! So within a week of he and I meeting in person he registered for a weekend class to learn to dive. Riddick has spent hundreds of hours under water on a hooka system mining. But he wasn't a certified diver. So he thought if he wanted to keep this divegirl he had just met he better get certified and dive with her. He is a Happy Diver! My Happy Diver!

Early this year Riddick and I took a Dave Ramsey class. Loved it! After being married to a man who was financially a hurricane, true story, they way he could spend was a force of nature, I am grateful that Riddick and I have the same views on finances. But I do have some debt leftover from my previous marriage. So our goal has been to tackle that debt and keep our life together free of debt and on a cash only basis. We work hard to stick to our budget, even though I think it's hard for Pinkie and Ironman to understand that at times. In general it's difficult for lots of people to understand what and why we do it. You know the whole "Live like no one else, so later you can live like No One else", is hard to explain to people who don't budget and have never faced the burden of debt. I feel rushed in grocery stores when I bust out my coupons and my cash from my envelope, as opposed to just swiping the debit card. But I pray for courage in all things I do, and t...

The Kitchen House: A Novel, by Kathleen Grissom I have a interest is all things about the home front during the Civil War and WWII. Even historical fiction. Novels based around historical events and people. This story was one of loss and fear and a family that isn't your own from birth, but yours by bonds made through love. I enjoyed it. But it lacked more character development that I would have enjoyed. But than after I type that I realize that sometimes in fiction or real life, we don't always get to know why people do what they do, or are who they are.

But I actually love it. Riddick bought me a Kindle. It was one of those moments that I'm not used to, when I mentioned that I would really like something, and he looked at me and said "ok I'll get you one" I never expect him to react that way, probably something about being married previously to someone who was selfish and greedy..hmm But anyway, I love, love, love my Kindle. I was afraid that I would miss the smell of a book, the feel of the pages, and the general idea of reading from a screen. I don't miss those things at all. In fact I like the screen. It is not back lit so there are no glare issues. You have to use a book light in low light, just like with regular books. I like that I can download free previews to books, that makes purchasing the right one easier. It does have 3G access and I can check me email or facebook, but I don't even do that with it. Simply because I am too busy reading it. I highly recommend one to anyone that loves reading...

Not because she likes pink, but as a reminder to me that even though my lovely, awesome step-daughter is very feminine, in the most wonderful strong way, she does not like pink. No te gusta on the pink! Pinkie likes green, and deep purple, and blue and black and all the other colors except for pink. I on the other hand like pink, but that's all good. We can like other things. I like her, lots. She impresses me and touches me more and more every time I see her. She cracks me up, sometimes frustrates me, but most of the time amazes me. Pinkies got a wonderful mom, so I'm just the standby. But what I get to do with her, I like to do with her. Lots of people have lots of things to say about teen girls. They are emotional, dramatic, stubborn..blah blah blah. I too am emotional, dramatic when I'm tired, stubborn when I have to be, the only difference is time and age have tempered it. I think I will remind myself and others of that whenever they say anything negative a...

Busy but lovely. We had the kidlets this weekend. I look forward to those weekends very much. I get a little nervous too, wanting to make everyone happy, but mostly I'm excited. We three went grocery shopping without Riddick on Friday, before he got home from work. Oh boy had I forgotton what it was like to have kids in a store. My 13 yr old step-son, hmm what should I call him. In case somebody ever reads this I am protective and don't what mouth breathing freaks knowing him...lets call him Ironman. So Ironman basically is growing like a weed and would like to eat everything in sight. I turned him down on the eye-ball chocolates and the candy corn pumpkins. But I gave in on the Oreos, two different kinds. Thank god I'm not an Oreo fanatic. I confessed to both of them that I am however a Rice Crispie treat junkie..it's like crack to me. That and those beef jerky sticks..oh Mary Joseph and the Shephards those are good!

I was a tomboy growing up. Loved playing outside, loved getting dirty, loved following my older brother around and whining and crying until he included me, or chased me away. Barbies were fun, but I had the Barbie Catamaran and RV, as well as taking them on expeditions to my various forts. But for whatever reason, I became, how should I say this, girly! Girly later in my childhood, probably 9 or 10. And inexplicably started carrying around my large antique bald doll named Diane. Diane was bald, I didn't make her bald, someone else did, before I owned her. So my mom put a baby bonnet on her and called it good. I wasn't embarrassed that I brought my doll with me at an age when most girls have stopped, but I'm not sure why it happened either. Most of my childhood I can remember always wanting and waiting to be older. In a hurry to be 8, in a big hurry to be 10, and quite excited when it became 1980 instead of 1979. So why I started to play with dolls instead is beyon...

Anniversaries of my parents deaths are just too hard for me. I don't try and mark them, they sneak up on me like a painful joint. If I ignore them, than they take me by surprise, like a cough when you are trying not to cough. Yesterday, the 28th of September was the 22nd anniversary of my mom dying of brain cancer. And I miss her. I think I miss her more this year than last because my life now is happier, calmer, more centered. I have time to think about her, instead of the horrible swirly messy ride I was on for years. I know something. I know that if my mom had lived I never would have married Tim. I wouldn't have been that 18yr old traumatized that fell under the spell of a 38 yr old man, and I wouldn't have lost myself in the years of abuse. It's not her fault. But I know my life would be different now. So as I said, I took yesterday off.

My mom thought that she would beat the cancer. She thought that I believe until she go so ill that she couldn't think. This picture was taken March of 1987, she died September 28th of 1988. I know that she believed she was cured the summer of 1988. She had beat it. The cancer was gone. I remember June of 1988 I was in a student leadership conference and she helped me plan what I would do for my project. Mom got really sick in July. Crying out in pain the beginning of September. The end was actually very quick. Quick for us, but for her I'm sure it wasn't so quick for her. I do not know why she had to die. It's one of the questions I would like to ask Jesus. But I know that she was brave. I know that she was stong. And I know that my life is different because she is gone.

Chips and salsa would be their own food group. Typed as I am still enjoying the last bit of the lip sizzling tomatillo salsa. No person with butt or thigh dimples can ever wear white pants of any kind, I do not care what your profession is, no way hosay. If you cannot park you SS Enterprise sized SUV correctly you forfeit it. I should have a complete collection by the end of the day. All fortunes obtained from fortune cookies have to ad the words "In bed" after each line. You wouldn't be allowed a credit card without a note from your mother...regardless of your age And lastly for today, if you are on foodstamps you don't get junk food!

This was my family, before I was even born. It wasn't until after the death of both my parents that I realized fully that my parents had whole and complete lives long before my brother and I joined their lives. It's an odd thought, but I think if you asked most kids, they wouldn't really know what their parents lives were like before they were born. I only have a glimpse because after my Dad's death I went through all his records for over 30 years. Each year he would rubberband a big folder of receipts and letters and doctors notes all together and put them away. It's like a gift now, to be able to read them and see what they did, and how little they had monetarily, but how much they had together.

What are things you remember kids saying when you were young? I can remember lots. Don't spray it say it, said after someone spit all over you trying to tell you something, I'm sometimes accused of doing the same thing now, by Riddick, but he's a big fat liar... Big Fat Liar...what you call someone who either lied, or just said something you didn't like. Fatty Fatty two by four, couldn't get through the kitchen door...We used to sing it about kids..horrible but true. I was a chunk so I have no idea why I would go along with it, peer pressure, it sucks. What a Tard! Horrible mis-use of the work Retard, used to describe my brother, maybe accurate ;-)

Tarjeta: Target, the most wonderful store on the planet. Fluff: what some of you call "farting", when I do it, it's a "fluff", when Riddick does it, you need to leave Elephant: Honda Element The Ladies: Our hens Cloud factory: paper mill

Riddick is a very secure strong silent type person. When he has something to say, he says it, and he can be quite talkative when he is engaged with people he loves, or people he is comfortable with. I am not a very secure person. Nor silent. I start off shy, which defines alot of who I am, but once I am close to you, I will speak. But I am never secure. I do not what or how to be in any relationship and know, just know, that it's all ok and that I don't have to wonder. I wish that I did. I pray that I will someday. Riddick deserves that trust. So do my friends and new family. But I'm always nervous. Like the can in a room full of rocking chairs. I know that I wasn't always this way. I can remember as a small child being shy but secure in my life. Life's challenges and pain have made me this but that isn't a reason for me to accept it as who I am. Just once I want to lay in bed at night, or sit at a table in a restarant and not feel like I'm an out...

I get accused often of overthinking things. Riddick says it, my neighbor says it, my friends say it, my co-workers say it. I can't help it. I am blessed, and cursed with a analytical mind that doesn't always want to shut down. Combine that with some very strong intuition and sometimes I know more than I want to know. I say intuition, but my buddy graybelle calls me psychic. I don't think that's true, she bases that on the fact that a few times I have told her who was calling her before the phone rang. I think they were just lucky guesses;-) I don't believe I am clairvoyant. I did not foresee my dad's death, nor any of my injuries. I did get a strong feeling I was going to get sick when I left for Honduras the last time in 2007, before I got Malaria. But yet again, I digress into other subjects. I, Bacongal, am an overthinker. All that know and love me, or for that matter, know and don't love me, must accept this fact. It is this gift that earns my ...

Look at Riddick's arms, I can crawl into them whenever I want.

All I want to know about his photo is why, I say why, do my gray hairs stick straight up. In the name of all that is holy and right, why do they have to be crazy lady hairs. Please note this was a self portrait, about 5 minutes after I got out of bed, while camping, no make-up and SOC (straight out of camera)

I wonder often what heaven will be like. Or better yet, what it is like for my loved ones that are already there. I want to know if my parents know eachother, if their souls are somehow connected or near eachother. I would hope so. I want them to have the comfort of eachother. But that brings up other points. When my step-mom Becky dies, will she not be joining my dad? They spent 15 years together and were happy and loved one another. I think heaven is where our souls go after they leave our bodies here on earth. But I don't necasarily think that it is just a brighter version of earth. The bible doesn't even say if we get bodies just like we had. What I think and believe heaven is, is the ultimiate safety and comfort of being with our father, and savior. And having the joy and comfort of rejoining all the people that have gone before us, where we live in harmony. That sounds like a mouthful coming from me. Someone who routinely falls into deep moods of doubt about ...

Me: Riddick, do not pop my toe R: What,but it's so fun Me: I swear if you pop my toe I'm gonna go kung foo panda all over R: oooooh I love it when you talk dirty Toe: POP!

I'm working night shift right now, and Riddick is working days. And because of the distance that each of us commutes and the different start times, we do not see each other at all for three days. Yes that's right I said, THREE DAYS! It's hell, utter newly wed, no sex hell. So a moment ago I texted Riddick and said "Talk to me, I'm lonely" Riddick's reply: "I'm sweating like a fat girl writing her first love letter" Just a peak into my life

I'm adopted. I was adopted privately, some would call it a "gray market" adoption because I wasn't sold, and it was legal, but I was never a ward of the state. Meaning my biological mother and my adoptive parents both met seperately with the same attorney, who arranged it all. They never met each other, and they were originally connected by the doctor who had to tell my Mom that she would never have a baby, and who was the doctor of my biological mother. How it all came about is actually a long and beautiful story of kindness and faith, but I'll tell it another day. When I met my biological mother in 1993, she did not hold back on details of my conception or birth. She was in college dating a Iranian man, here on a student visa. She became pregnant and he wouldn't marry her. He, Ali, wanted to return to Iran and knew that wasn't the life for her. There's alot you can say about a Muslim man having fun with a Catholic girl in 1972, but I believe t...

Riddick and I where watching a History channel show on "The Seven Deadly Sins". It gave a partial history, and dropped the fact that there were originally 8 deadly sins listed in the 4th Century by monk Evagirus Ponticus. And than the show just went on to say that 200 years later Pope Gregory I shortened the list to 7. Well that just wasn't enough for me, I had to know what sin fell off the list. So off to the internet I went, because we all know that all things you read on the internet are true (large wink and sarcasm here) Surprisingly Pope Greg removed......wait for it.... FORNICATION That's right the original 8 were: Gluttony Fornication/Lust Greed Despair Wrath Acedia Vainglory Pride Pope Gregory removed Fornication, folded despair in with Acedia, changing vainglory to pride and adding envy, to come up with what we have now. Gluttony Greed Wrath Envy Pride Sloth (Acedia) Extravagance So there you have it. According to Pope Gregory, Lust and fornication, f...

1~How big is 25 pound of feed? What I meant to say is how much room would it take up in my car 2~What color is a Rhode Island Red? Ok Ok for pete's sake, I didn't know the blasted thing was actually red!

Jungle Judy: My former green Subaru Forester, she rocked Butt-crack of dawn: What Riddick calls 4AM Suck Wagon: any bicycle that isn't as cool as mine IAD: I'm a dork My Loyal Subject: Riddick

April 5, 2008 my darling Dad died. He died suddenly and unexpectedly while doing yard work. I spoke at his funeral. I was scared to do so, not being a big fan of public speaking, but there were things that needed to be said, that only I could do. One of the things I talked about what that everyday of my life I try to be like my Dad was. He had a gift of kindness and he shared it with the world. In the past two years I have focused what my parents taught me into three life rules Love like you mean it~Love is very powerful and can change the world around you Live like you mean it~This isn't a new age statement about staying in the moment, it means to be happy and grateful for who you are and where you are in life Pray like you mean it~That's what all of us should be doing! So it's LLYMI, LLYMI, PLYMI

I bought a movie on Itunes the other day. It was very hot here, in the 99-100 degree range, which is not normal for the Portland area. We get about 5-7 days a year that are in the high 90's and they make news. So I was very tired of sitting in the living room with girl and boy kidlet, watching the 9,000th episode of SpongeBob or some such other nonsense and retreated to my bedroom. I wasn't mad or irritated, just needed some space to sprawl. So I cranked the ceiling fan up and laid down on the bed in the dark to watch some television. I found a movie that I remember watching as a 12 year old. "Author, Author", it's a Al Pacino film about a father with a mixed bag of kids/step kids who is also a play write. I loved it. It gave me that homey safe feeling of being a kid again. I loved the early 80's fashions, and the chance to remember the feel and smell of my parents house on rainy afternoons after school. But than the pickings got a little slim, so I ...

Last July 4 I met Riddick face to face, after "meeting" on e-harmony. He picked me up from working a 12 hour graveyard shift and took me to breakfast. I should specify that I was the person who had worked the shift, and I'm sure I looked it too. But he showed up at my work at 6 am and loaded my bike up and drove me for breakfast. I was very nervous, that's probably an understatement, I'm quite sure I came off a little stuckup, I sometimes do because it's easy to mistake shyness for aloof. In that short 8 days that we had known eachother online only we had been very honest with eachother. There wasn't one thing we told eachother online that wasn't true. After our early dates, I would go home, and we would both get online and talk about things, saying things to eachother that we were too scared to say face to face. I slowly told him all my pain, but he was very up front with his. Riddick is always better at putting words to exactly what he feels, ...

We are dog sitting for Carlsina and her hub, their dog's name is Gretchen. Gretchen is shall we say a little "special". She's high strung, yes that's what we will call it, "highstrung" Well Gretchen escaped, more like bolted after she ate a board in the fence, she was off and running. She has been missing for 3 days. 3 days that I have spent worried, and in a funk. Even though it wasn't my fault, I felt very responsible. Responsible because I know that she is a loved pet, and if Maya went missing I would be utterly devastated. WE looked all over Vancouver, to no avail. I called the Humane Society who instructed me that no dog fitting her description had been dropped off. Today I went to the Humane society to look for myself. Gretchen was not there. But they did give me the number of someone who said they had found a "English Pointer"...well Gretchen is a "German Shorthair Pointer" so it was feasable it was her. I called Ron,...

I was staying at my friend's house..A&R, recovering from life's blow, making plans, being safe. They have a wonderful home. Big and airy, yet very comfy. I was ensconced in their upstairs room, staring at their beautiful slat pine ceiling. I love that ceiling, it is truly unique and beautiful. Last night, as Riddick and I are house sitting for A&R, he commented on the ceiling. And as we lay there together staring at the ceiling, I started to cry. Out of clear and complete happiness. You never know when your life can change, it's often scary, sometimes messy, but in the end, can be so much better. LLYMI (Love like you mean it)

My former husband had a heart attack this morning. He had Angioplasty done to place a stent. He is expected to recover, albet with some lifestyle changes needed for his survival. When I think of him, it feels as if some man I know at work, or at church has had this happen. I am disconnected from my former life. But I do wish him well. Not everyone gets a second wake up call, and I hope he takes this first and probably last seriously and makes his life what it should be. He doesn't have me to care for him, he is on his own, and that is his doing. We all reep what we sow, but it doesnt' mean it doesn't bite when we realize it. Oh well, we are going camping. Love like you mean it, pray like you mean it, live like you mean it, every day.

I love to shop at Goodwill. It's hit or miss, sometimes I find stuff, sometimes I don't, but I still have fun. I like vintage clothes, old coats, jeans, anything but unerwear. Often some of the employees of the store are special needs. Working, making their way in our world, but by birth, or by injury or illness have a little rougher time of it than the rest of us. I always remember that basically it's "there but for the grace of god go I". Acutally, that applies to all of us. Yesterday a man was snotty and rude to the person taking care of the dressing rooms. The young man working there was explaining that you can't set your items outside of the door, for safety reasons. So he offered to get the man a cart. The man was a jerk, talking loud, making rude faces. I wanted to say something, but lacked the courage. By the time I got to my car I was crying. It wasn't pretty and it disgusted me. Disgusted at his behaviour but at my own for being afraid...

The news is just too much right now. Too much pain for me. I read the news online every morning. CNN, Foxnews, NYtimes, Oregonlive and Canbyherald. I figure if I read both left and right media I might get part of the clear picture. Missing person cases and especially women and children missing or murdered always stay with me. But this week with the searching for little Kyron, following a lead to the whereabouts of Stacy Peterson's body, and the arrest of Van der Sloot...it's really just been too much. Is that really what our world is about? Victimizing others. Destroying lives. It doesn't just destroy the victim, it's their whole family, their freinds, all of them. If AS's children were harmed, or my step-children, or my neighbor girl..I could not rest. Riddick would want blood, and I couldn't blame him. I pray everyday for the people on my list, but I also pray for our world, that we aren't drug down into the pit of sin and hate God bless us ..Love...

And I learn that it's being made into a movie I love to look at imdb.com (Internet Movie Database) and see who is playing who. I'm finishing up Elizabeth Gilber's "Eat Pray Love" and it's a wonderful book. I laughed out loud several times and can really relate some of my divorce feelings with hers. So being the nerd that I am, I looked up the movie details. And now as I finish the book I will be able to imagine the actors while I read. I'm sure that sounds utterly silly to other people who may not be as nerdily gifted as me. I also like to watch movies while looking of trivia about the movie, actors, locations and all that. Oh, and I blab those details out to others. While watching "Step Brothers" I told Riddick that the fake testicles that Will Ferrell uses cost $20,000. Upon hearing that Riddick offered that for $20,000 he would have rubbed his own nuts all over the drum set....

I turned 38 yesterday. It was a good day. My party was the day before so it was quiet for me, but we helped celebrate the birthday of the sweet daughter of some friends, she is turning 9. I could not help but reflect on the difference a year has made in my life. My life before was a lie. Not a lie about me, but covering for the sins and mis-deeds done by my former husband. I felt a tremendous need to be protective of him, even though he was causing me so much pain and misery. In fact I prayed everyday that he would stop his abusive ways. I knew that even if he stopped he wasn't the man for me, but I was willing to stay in a marriage simply because I made a commitment to him and God. When the you know what hit the fan finally on May 21st 2009 there was a switch in me. I knew that I had to end the marriage or lose myself completely. My birthday last year was terrifying. I have some amazing friends, AP and R, that took me in and made me feel loved, but I knew that I was now...

n June, 2007, a Wienermobile with the Wisconsin license plate of YUMMY made headlines after having been stopped by an Arizona Department of Public Safety officer for having an alleged stolen license plate. Officer K. Lankow had observed the Wienermobile slowing traffic and checked the license plate number to determine if the vehicle was street legal. The license plate came back as being stolen out of Columbia, Missouri[2], so the officer stopped the Wienermobile and detained the driver. The Columbia Police Department, that had flagged the license plate as being stolen, had neglected to add that it should be considered stolen only if not on a Wienermobile

Riddick and I went diving this weekend. Up to Tacoma, near the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. It was beautiful weather, fun dives, good students, and good friends. My day is always better if I get to dive. We went up with a group of students from Clackamas Community College finishing their Open Water course. It doesn't matter what I do though, I just don't look good in neoprene!

Diane Downs and what mom said “She killed her kids”…Mom when viewing the news report of Diane Down’s children being shot by a stranger. I was mortified that she would say that. That kind of mortified that teenage girls feel whenever someone says something that they don’t agree with. That self righteous indignation that is so very annoying to me now when I experience the other end of it. But she was right. Diane Downs did shoot her three kids and kill one of them. My moms’ theory was correct and wise.. She said that no mother would ever escape with a wound while her children were murdered. My mom wouldn’t have stood idly by while someone shot her children. Oh they may have gotten one round off before she tackled them and took the rest, but they wouldn’t have shot more than once. Over the next weeks and months when the story all came out, I kept my mouth shut but was quietly impressed that she knew all along what had gone on.

In 1987 when I was 15 years old my mom was already ill with the cancerous brain tumor that would kill her a year later. But that summer, she and we, thought she had beat the cancer. The doctors had shrunk the tumor and it seemed to be beat. It would come back in full force by winter. Summer though; we all thought she was on the mend. Mom drove my friend and me to Thriftway to get some groceries. And for reasons I cannot explain, I chose to imitate a severely retarded person and chase her down the cereal isle. Yelling... "Mama I want some Captain Crunch" Yelling in a horrible fake mongoloidian voice and dragging my foot, with arms at a spastic angle. My friend was laughing hysterically. We were in a small town grocery store. Everybody knew us. Knew I wasn't retarded, and pitied my mom that she was being chased by her crazy teenage daughter. Mom turned around and slapped one of my hands down, not hard, telling me to be quiet. Instead I yelled more. "Mama don't h...

My mom worked swing shift at our local junior highschool, 2pm to 10pm, as a custodian. She was trained as a hair stylist, but we kids complained that she took too long in cutting our hair, so she paid others to do it. I regret immensely of course, ever complaining. She got tired of washing lipstick off the mirrors at the school from girls kissing the glass. So she told them that she used the same brush as the toilet to clean them. Classic! She liked diet dr. pepper and would buy the little glass bottles, drink part, and put the other in the fridge with saran wrap over the top. She gave the best back rubs When she was irritated she would call my dad “Francisco”, his given name. I can hear it right now. Also when she was irritated, the oakie in her would come out and she would say “Sick and tired” but it would sound “sick and taaard”…I would laugh everytime.

I know that I missed out on a great deal of time with my mom. She got sick when I was 13 and died 4 months after I turned 16. But what she gave me was amazing. It stuck with me. She told me that every date was a possible mate, so never date someone that wasn’t up to your standards. And that it was ok to have standards. It’s not being snobby or rude to keep yourself away from people that live lives that aren’t what you want for your own. I’m not talking about how much money you have or what you drive. I’m talking about bad boys that bring along drugs and alcohol and sex…all big time no no’s for girls. She assured me that I wasn’t weird because I was still a virgin. I thought I was. I lied to my friends because I was embarrassed to say I wasn’t. But probably what I remember her saying the most our two distinct statements that helped me a lot, even now at 37; “It’s all right to not know what you want, but be very sure you know what you don’t want” Amen sista…if you don’t know...

I yelled that once. Not really yelled, more like exclaimed it loudly and with panic. Panic caused by the fear of projectile vomit coming out all over me and everyone else at the table. I was on Roatan, with two friends, Missy and Prissy. We had been "dolphin trainers for a day" and had chosen to buy the cheap lunch with the locals. We were told they had only two plates of fish left and than the conejo. Conejo is spanish for "rabbit". So I made the sacrifce and let the twins have the fish. It's not my favorite meat, but I figured what the heck..when in rome... All was good until the american dolphin trainer walked by and was kind enough to tell me that "conejo" wasn't the "rabbit" I was thinking of. She said the magic word.."Watusa" Abruptly a plate with rice and fried plantain appear with a dark sweet smelling meat...Watusa. That's when the yelling came in and the controlled gag reflex fyi....Watusa is a damm rodent,...

I finally opened up a bit and shared some of my history with the ladies bible study on Tuesday night. I was very nervous to let any of these women know what I had been through. Most of them have known Riddick for years, and I want to get to know them as well. After I said what was on my heart I wasn't sure what would happen. Mary understood. When I said that my burden is fear she knew it was partly fear of the "waiting for the other shoe to drop"....than she added that Riddick was my "balm of gilead" It's a reference she heard once to Jeremiah 8:22 Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people? It references the people of Gilead having ready access to a soothing balm but still suffering because of their own sin. I was suffering from someone else's sin. But my sin is letting it harm me still.

So I was reading this blog ...all about Nia's thoughts on what her Mother's days were like before she adopted her daughter. It's funny, and appropriate...and a little sad. I didn't have her same experience, but I am childless, not by my own choice. Mother's day is very hard for me. My hope is that this year it won't be so bad. After all I am back in touch with my biological mom, and I have my step-mom (just because dad is gone, she is not!), and I do have my lovely mom-in-law, all ladies I love. But I miss my mom on Mother's day. And I miss that I am not a mom on Mother's day. Being a step parent isn't the same. I've done the step parent thing two different ways now. The first, I was the full time parent, 26 days every month, now I'm the part time one. But regardless, you aren't the mother. It would be an insult to their mothers, and the kids, if you didn't recognize that fact. In fact, embrace that fact. Mother's day i...

Everyday I miss her. I don't talk about her as much as my Dad, simply because I lost her so long ago that my memories of her are part of me. I carry them with me all the time. I know of them, I feel them, and can identify them, I'm just so used to holding them close that I don't verbalize them anymore. I'm working on changing that. So that Riddick can know more of my mom. Who Dolores was. She liked Bama mini-Pecan pies She liked burgerville She introduced me to strawberry/banana shakes My mom could make the softest, perfectly round tortillas She toll painted, and even though she would get behind in the projects after she got ill, she tried so very hard. When I tried cigarettes in 8th grade, she didn't yell, she just told me how disgusting it was and that it stank. My mom told me often that I was beautiful. I didn't believe her, but she said it. She called our pickup truck a "rig" and it used to bug me ;-) She didn't live long enough to know t...

1. I am very sensitive 2. I am very insecure and don't always look it 3. I can't get my hair perfectly straight without alot of work 4. I love my friends like they are my family 5. I love my husband and his kids and my new family 6. I love my brother even though we are very different 7. I get very overwhelmed easily in large noisy crowds or around angry people 8. I am good at my job, although I don't talk about it 9. My mom died when I was 16, my dad when I was 35. I miss them very much. 10. I am a pleaser 11. I wish I had more time to spend with my friends. 12. I want to know my step kids better 13. I am not afraid to die, but worry about how I will die 14. I do not like mean people 15. I prayed for a husband like Robbie, for years, while I was married to Tim 16. I am very sensative to people's energy and emotions, and it's sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse 17. I love to be home 18. I also love to be outside 19. There was a long period of time when I comt...

Yesterday my friend Julie left me a text message, that would bring dread to anybody..."Did you hear". Now understand. Julie is not someone who would text you if she heard juicy gossip, in fact she's known for NEVER repeating stuff. When I got divorced, she had the class to ask me if she could tell people. And I appreciated that. I already trusted her judgement, knowing whatever she did would be out of love and concern for me, and she would never gossip about me. But that she asked, let me know that my trust in her was well put. Back to my point. Yesterday she told me about a co-worker. Julie and I are co-workers, but more importantly she is my friend. And there is a difference, don't let anybody tell you there isn't. Our co-worker, Ed, died. Very suddenly, over a weekend basically. He was always at work, working later than others. He worked hard at a job he didn't always like for one reason..His family. To support them and give them a life that he wanted for t...

JB is pretty awesome. We went shooting with a group from the church last weekend and he loved it. I always appreciate it when a young person wants to try something new, listens to your input, and than puts their own skills to use. I love him, he rocks!  

How much of a Hardcore Oregonian are you? 1. I've visited Timberline Lodge~yes 2. I've picked blackberries.~yes 3. I've visited Fort Clatsop.~yes 4. I've sat around a bonfire on an Oregon coast beach.~yes 5. I've visited the Oregon Country Fair.~not yet 6. I've seen a play at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.~no 7. I've seen a Portland Trail Blazers game live.~yes 8. I've attended a Civil War football game.~god no 9. I've visited Bonneville Dam.~yup 10. I've visited the Capitol building in Salem.~yes 11. I've walked part of the Oregon Trail.~walked, biked and camped 12. I've visited Crater Lake.~yes 13. I've visited Multnomah Falls.~yes 14. I've visited the Tillamook Cheese Factory.~yes 15. I've visited the Wallowa Mountains.~yes 16. I feel depressed when I see a fresh clear-cut.~oh yes 17. I've hunted game.~yes 18. I know where Celilo Falls used to be.~yes 19. I've seen "Drugstore Cowboy."~yes 20. I own some ...

I never thought I would be married again. I actually never thought I would divorce. I though, prayed, hoped, begged and dreamed that miraculously my former husband would change his ways, and our marriage could continue. I wasn't happy, but I though it was good enough just not be be actively miserable. What a fool I was. I prayed everyday for someone like Riddick. I didn't know him. I didn't know what he would look like, or sound like. I just knew that if it was God's plan that I marry again, I wanted it to be right. This song reminds me of some of the things I feel when I look at Riddick. Not all the things, that would take a novel, but at least the wish that I wouldn't have had to struggle through all that I did, before feeling what I do.

Just thought I should say that. It's the only time that I cried when a famous person died. I was saddened by the death of Christopher Reeve and very sad that his lovely wife, Dana died a few years later. But George's music touches me. I love the Beatles. But his solo music touches me more deeply. I was born too late to experience his albums real time, but I loved them years later when I found them. Give me Love...lyrics below Give me love Give me love Give me peace on earth Give me light Give me life Keep me free from birth Give me hope Help me cope, with this heavy load Trying to, touch and reach you with, heart and soul OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M My Lord... PLEASE take hold of my hand, that I might understand you Won't you please Oh won't you Give me love Give me love Give me peace on earth Give me light Give me life Keep me free from birth Give me hope Help me cope, with this heavy load Trying to, touch and reach you with, heart and soul OM M M M M M M ...

Ok, so she has four legs and lots of hair, she's still family! Her name is Paislie, and she's a doll. It makes me want a puppy. Her litter mate to be exact. But Riddick isn't on board, and to be honest, he's right. Our life is full enough with Mrs. Maya, aka mining dog, scuba dog, camping dog..whatever activity we do, she's down with that baby. Just bring snacks and have a place for her to nap! Make it a great day!

I don't know why campfires are so special to me. I didn't grow up camping. My folks didn't have the camping equipment and never had the money to go out and get it. But they loved to hike. I remember lots of drives out to different parks or the coast, and than walks and explorations. I also remember this foul stuff called "sandwhich spread", which I believe is a satanic combination of mayonnaise and relish. Mom would put it on bologna sammies. I think that's why I always ate mine dry. Plain Jane is what my parents called me. I've never been much of a condiment girl. Last night at Fred's Riddick was expounding on the qualities of Beaver brand condiments over other brands, I smiled lovingly and patted his yummy backside. Oh but I digress. Campfires are my favorite part of camping. There is a sense of togetherness and comfort when sitting outside around a fire that I don't feel, even inside in front of the fireplace. Our friends, Carlsinna...

Did you know that there is a large cacti native to the northern Willamette Valley of Oregon? There is, it lives in our front yard. Before it was a cactus, it was a tree, a big big tree Big enough to lift the sidewalk, driveway, and litter all over two roofs and 4 cars. It had been allowed to grow too big. We'll miss it, but it was time.

Needless to say, after driving 5 hours to Happy Camp, and having worked the night before, and setting up camp, and staying up late around the campfire, at least until my fear of big foot drove me to the tent... I was a tired pup So I slept late the next day. When I emerged from the tent, I found my loving husband, Riddick, standing very near the fire, with his pants askew, trying to rid himself of a tick. Now I ask you...what purpose in this world to ticks serve? I was picking them off my dog for a week. And Riddick got two, I escaped unscathed. The only thing that Maya (aka mining dog) and Riddick have in common is brush. She walked and slept in it, he walked through it to build his lucky wife a nice fire every night and morning. Here's his nasty tick bite on his side... And here's what I got when I tried to take a picture of the other bite location..

The "waste". Riddick was kind enough to bring us a porta potty and a small portable "out house" that goes with it, if I would have thought about it, I should have taken a pic of it. But mid-week we had to venture to town to dump it. Well I ventured, but I didn't dump it Here is the lovely RV dump in Happy Camp ...where dreams go to die Don't worry Riddick isn't dumping yet..just attempting to access the tube. It was so bad..not even Maya could look

While Riddick is mining. I'm in charge of visual documentation...not shovel operation My favorite rock...it made a nice chair, to drink my coffee But the chair was better. Please note the mining dog..asleep at the wheel

Anyone know what that means.....Little Brown Mushroom Any number of small, dull-colored shrooms found growing all over..not necessarily edible, but isn't it purdy

Milky quartz..according to wikipedia, which we all know is never wrong **wink**.. is the most common of quartz. But to me, it was beautiful. I loved picking through all the rocks on the bar and finding different ones. Collecting lots of them everyday, putting them into the pocket of the tent, annoying Riddick (just a side benefit) But these two...were once one, and it broke, and fell into siblings